You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize