my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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