My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
