a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
