my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
