Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize