i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
