Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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