Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
