dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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