Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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