I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
