god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
