I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
