You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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