this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
