took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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