I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
