I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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