She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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