somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
