I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
