Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
