i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's shark week go big or go home
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
