drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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