So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
