My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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