you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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