Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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