sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
