she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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