Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
