No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize