I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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