I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
