I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
