I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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