Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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