I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish life had little blips of pornography
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize