sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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