Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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