I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i out mim tonsoeep
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