Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
