Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize