We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
