I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
fuck your aforementioned shoe
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
