I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
