Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize