Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
