I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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