I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
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