The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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