So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
