You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
