doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
