Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize