Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
