I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
