i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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