Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
