Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
