Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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