She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
