i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
