I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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