I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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