ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
