I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
