I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
