Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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